Special Someone
by VickyVicarious
Summary: Maya gradually comes to terms with her asexuality, with a little help.


Wright-a-thon fic for the **prompt: **Maya figuring out that she is asexual.**  
**

Set after Bridge to the Turnabout, but nothing Apollo Justice related.

* * *

She didn't think anything of it until she was nineteen years old.

Growing up in Kurain Village, Maya had always been extremely isolated from her peers. There weren't any other boys or girls her age in the whole town; even if there had been, they probably would have been her relatives. With the exception of a few visits to Mia, she almost never saw other teenagers. Mail did come to Kurain once a week, but it went straight to Aunt Morgan (who then distributed it to everyone). If Maya had ever tried to order teen magazines, she was sure her strict aunt would have immediately found out and canceled the subscription. Of course, that was all assuming Maya had any interest in magazines, which she did not. And why would she? She had no knowledge of the celebrities in them, as TV access was very limited under her aunt's watchful eyes. It was difficult enough to get Steel Samurai time – she wasn't going to give that up for anything!

All of these factors combined meant that Maya didn't have much opportunity to be attracted to anyone until she moved to the city for a time following her sister's murder. And at first, she was understandably not in the mood for romance. Even as the months passed, she was too caught up in the excitement of helping Nick with his cases to ever consider getting a boyfriend.

But then Pearly brought it up. Somehow, at only eight, she had far more awareness of romantic matters than Maya ever had, a fact Maya attributed to her mother's bad marriage. She'd gotten the idea in her head that Nick was Maya's 'special someone', and no matter what she said, Pearly refused to believe otherwise.

Eventually, Maya just stopped trying. She told herself that was just because it was impossible to convince Pearly otherwise, but really… she sort of liked the idea. Or at least, she thought she did. It got confusing whenever she tried to figure out exactly what Nick meant to her. Of course, she really respected him and would be forever grateful to him for bringing Mia's murderer to justice (not to mention saving her from being blamed), but he was far more than just some cool idol. Nick had plenty of flaws, and she knew them just as well as she knew his many virtues. Really, he was her best friend.

But she kind of liked the idea of being his girlfriend, too. Maya wasn't sure how genuine those feelings were – he was, after all, the first unmarried male she'd ever really gotten to know well, and certainly the one she'd spent the most time around. So maybe it was just a passing crush. But… her feelings _felt_ real enough, when she thought about them. When Pearly talked about them. It was embarrassing, but still kind of nice, the thought of being Nick's 'special someone'.

Maya had just about decided that she really did like Nick, when it occurred to her just what being a 'special someone' actually _involved_. Sure, there was all the pleasant stuff about being together, doing fun things together, caring for each other, and so on. But there was also holding hands, kissing, and… _other stuff_.

Whenever Maya thought about liking Nick, she found herself enjoying the idea of being with him. And holding hands or hugging would probably be fine too. Kissing… well, it was embarrassing, especially when Pearly brought it up, but that was only to be expected. The pleasure in imagining such things, or the desire to actually commit them never really came; no matter how much Maya imagined kissing Nick, she only blushed out of humiliation. Nothing more. It was just the same when she thought about doing _other stuff_, except humiliation was replaced with outright mortification and even distaste.

So maybe she didn't like Nick after all. Liking someone was supposed to mean that you wanted to kiss them and all that, but Maya just couldn't bring herself to want that sort of thing.

Just out of curiosity, she tried imagining kissing other people. Mr. Edgeworth, Gumshoe, even Larry or Will Powers – all of them elicited that same feeling of mild shame and disinterest. That was when Maya started to think that maybe she was a little weird. She figured if the thought of kissing the _real_ Steel Samurai didn't work, then nothing was probably ever going to. And that was a worrying thought. She felt _wrong_ somehow, dysfunctional.

She shoved all thoughts of kissing and liking and _other stuff_ away and told herself she was too busy for any of it, anyway. Still, now that Pearly had made her aware of this problem, it was hard to avoid thinking about it.

Maybe it was just boys that didn't interest her. Maya didn't personally know any lesbians, but she knew they existed and she had always considered herself a person unbound by narrow-minded cultural assumptions – step-ladder or ladder, boy or girl, what was the difference? Love was love (and ladder was ladder), plain and simple.

For a moment, Regina Berry actually did manage to make Maya think she could be capable of liking girls. She joked about wanting to confess her love to the circus performer, but Maya had really been thinking _maybe I really could_ the entire time. Regina had a strange sort of allure that appealed to just about everyone, and for a little bit, Maya was kind of excited about being just one of the many to fall under the animal-trainer's spell.

But those feelings didn't last. They never really got off the ground in the first place; she'd just been caught up in the sudden hope that if she liked girls, she would be _normal_ (by her own definition) again. But any extended pondering on the idea was useless. The idea of loving Regina – or Franziska, or Adrian, or Maggey – was fine in theory, but once again as soon as she considered anything sexual, Maya had to scrunch up her nose and give up. She was disappointed, but not all that surprised.

By this point, Maya was pretty much convinced something was wrong with her.

Still, she didn't give up hope that someday, she might be able to like someone properly. Not until her failed attempt at masturbation.

-xxx-

It happened not long after the whole Hazakura Temple affair. So _much_ had happened, it was difficult to process any of it. She just didn't know where to start. Her mother, Godot, Aunt Morgan, poor Pearly, Dahlia Hawthorne and Iris – there was just _too much _to take in, especially since she'd been locked in the Inner Temple or channeling throughout almost everything.

But one of the things that began to bother Maya, once she'd had enough time to sit and think everything over, was the relationship between Iris and Nick. Or Nick and Iris-pretending-to-be-Dahlia. They really had loved each other. That much was clear, despite everything else going on… Nick and Iris had been in love once. They might even still be, a little bit.

And Maya was jealous.

She wasn't sure of _what_, exactly. She had given up on liking Nick already, and she didn't even really want a relationship like that herself. Or rather, she already had one – after everything was over, Nick sheepishly told her about trying to cross the burning bridge to save her. He had been willing to sacrifice himself for her without a second thought, just the same as when he'd been in love with Iris-pretending-to-be-Dahlia. There was no sexual aspect to their relationship, but they still loved each other – and Maya was happy with that.

She just felt like maybe she shouldn't be. She didn't want anything more, but she _wanted_ to want it. It felt wrong not wanting it. So, once everything was over and she was alone in the privacy of the Master's bedroom in Fey Mansion, she slipped her hand between her thighs and _tried _to want.

It worked. Sort of. Maya could feel something, and she could acknowledge that it felt okay, which was better than what she'd been dreading. Even so, she could stop at any time and feel no worse for it. This wasn't blowing her world or even making her excited.

It was just weird, and kind of squelchy, and she didn't like it all that much.

That had been her last resort. Somehow, trying to enjoy herself for twenty minutes before giving up and washing her hands was the final straw. Maya suddenly _knew_, with an instinctive, utmost certainty, that she was never going to have Pearly's kind of 'special someone'. Not that Pearly had been imagining Nick doing _this_ kind of stuff with her, but… Maya was never going to love someone in the way that involved kissing, or sex stuff. And so she was probably never going to date anyone, or ever get married. And once again, the thought felt _right _– except that she was sure it was somehow wrong, and now, finally pushed past all denial, Maya was sure she needed help.

She went to Nick.

-xxx-

Normally, she would have gone to Mia for anything like this. Especially since Nick was sort of central to the problem. But Maya couldn't imagine explaining this in a note, and asking Pearly to channel Mia for this was too humiliating. She couldn't discuss stuff like this around her little cousin, no matter how unaware of the conversation she would be. And there wasn't anyone else she'd feel comfortable enough telling this to, anyway. So Nick was her only option.

And oh how she loved him, because he _listened to the end_.

"Well," he croaked after she was done explaining how not even touching herself worked, his face bright red, "I guess that explains your Psyche-Locks lately."

Maya burst into tears. She didn't want to cry, but – she'd been so worried about all of this, and –

Nick pulled her into a hug. He kept holding her until her tears had turned into sniffles, and finally stopped altogether.

Maya squirmed her arms around him a little closer, closing her eyes. "See, just this is nice," she whispered. "I don't know why everyone else wants anything more. I don't know why I _don't_."

Nick coughed, and his grip sort of tightened and loosened simultaneously. Maya sniffed one last time, and let go. He stared at her for a long moment, his wild blush slowly fading.

"There is nothing wrong with you," he said firmly. When she opened her mouth to protest, he shook his head and repeated himself with even more emphasis. "_There is nothing wrong with you_."

Maya smiled crookedly.

Nick took a deep breath. "Maya, you are one of the most amazing people I've ever met. Who _cares_ if you can't… if you don't want that sort of stuff? I love you the way you are."

"But… but I'm not your special someone," she said. Nick huffed disbelievingly.

"Since when does _that_ matter?" he asked, looking actually angry. "If Pearls has been making you worry because of that, I'll go talk to her. I'll make her _stop_, because –"

"No! No, it's not her fault."

"Look, Maya – you have always been my 'special someone.'" Nick blushed, but didn't look away from her eyes. "There are lots of kinds of special. They don't all have to involve sex. I've never wanted to have sex with you – but I still love you. The two don't have anything to do with each other."

Maya stared at him with wide eyes. "That's… that's how I feel. About everyone."

"And that's fine. If anyone says it isn't, I'll object all you want. But Maya, _you_ have to object too. You can't ever think you're wrong in any way, okay?" Nick leaned in and pulled her into a hug once again.

"…Okay."

"And – you know what?" Nick hugged her a little tighter. "Other people might want more than this, but you don't have to. And you can always, _always_ have this with me. Even if I start dating someone else, or get married, or if we don't see each other for twenty years – we will always have this."

Maya felt tears welling up again, but this time they weren't sad at all. She nodded into Nick's shoulder and hugged him back for a long, long time.

Then she tried to let go. He hung on.

"…Um, Nick?" Maya squirmed a little. "I'm okay, you can let go now."

His voice was muffled from where it was buried in her shoulder. "No I can't."

She poked him. "Why not?"

His ears, when she craned her head to look at them, were bright red. "I can't believe I said all that stuff. A-about se– _you know_, and loving you forever and… oh god. I – I mean, it's _true_ but… oh god I can't look at you ever again."

Maya giggled.

Nick moaned. "Shutupit'snot_funny_."

"Yes it is!"

He pulled back a little; grin starting to hover around his lips. "I am dying of embarrassment here, Maya. _Dying_. How dare you laugh at me."

She giggled even harder, and then laughed outright, shoving Nick away and snorting at the blush that went all the way down to the collar of his shirt. After a highly indignant moment, he broke down and started laughing with her, and they just laughed together for a long time, until it got hard to breathe.

Maya didn't think she'd ever been so happy or relieved in her life.

-xxx-

A few weeks later, Nick called her in Kurain and told her (after complaining about how annoying it was to have to keep calling a payphone until someone picked up) that he knew what she was officially called.

"I looked it up," he said. "It's called 'asexual', and there are plenty of other asexual people out there. I can give you all the information, if you want – there's communities and support groups and –"

"No thanks," Maya said. "I don't need it."

"Okay." There was a pause, and then Nick added, "Lots of asexual people still have romantic relationships, you know. They've even gotten married and had kids. You don't have to swear off dating or anything if you don't want to."

She thought about it for a minute, but then shook her head. "Nope. I don't need a boyfriend – or a girlfriend. I think I just got all worried, you know?"

Nick made an agreeing noise, and Maya grinned.

"Besides, I've got you! Who _needs_ a boyfriend when they've got a Nick who will buy them as many burgers as they want?"

"I do _not_–"

"…And who will _always_ hug them and love them."

He cut off, making a choked sound. "_Stop bringing that up!_"

"It's okay, Nick. I don't mind that you've never wanted to have se–"

He hung up. Maya giggled, then did a little twirl before skipping back towards the Meditation Hall.

She was the Master, after all. There was work to do.

And one last person to talk to.

-xxx-

It was the first time Maya had ever visited a jail. She'd been to the Detention Center with Nick plenty of times, but never to an actual jail before… and never by herself. It was a little intimidating, but she felt like this was something she had to do on her own.

She had already spoken to Mia – who had been just as accepting as Nick. Maya didn't really feel any need to broadcast herself to anyone else, although she'd tell them if they asked – but there was just one more person who deserved to know.

"Aunt Morgan," she greeted the prisoner across from her.

Pearly's mother glared evilly, but answered her politely enough. "Mystic Maya."

"Actually, I'm Master Maya now," she said. "Since… my mother is dead."

Her aunt didn't look guilty at all. But Maya hadn't really expected her to, anyway. "May I ask – what is the purpose of this visit?"

Maya took a deep breath. "I figured something out recently. All my life, I've never liked anyone… You know, the dating kind of 'like'. And I finally figured out why. I'm asexual."

Aunt Morgan's lip curled a little. "Why should I care about your personal life, Mystic Maya? We no longer have anything to do with one another."

That hurt, a little. But it was also sort of true. Maya didn't really _want_ to have anything more to do with Aunt Morgan after this. She had done so much, hurt so many people – and for what? For something that hadn't even been necessary in the first place.

"Some asexual people get married and have kids anyway. But I'm not going to." She paused for a moment, and then repeated herself. "I am never going to have children."

Aunt Morgan said, "I repeat, what does that have to – _never?_"

"Never," Maya said. "I'm going to name Pearly as my heir. She'll be the next Master, when I die. Or when I retire. But definitely not until she's all grown up."

Aunt Morgan's eyes were wide, and glistening with tears. "My – my daughter will be–?"

Maya interrupted her. "I just wanted to let you know, Aunt Morgan. I just wanted to let you know that I have _always_ been this way, and I was _never_ going to have kids. All of the stuff you did – the people you killed – _my mom_ – none of it was necessary."

Aunt Morgan was crying now. Maya was not.

"You did all of that for _nothing_," she said fiercely, and then got up and turned to go.

"Myst – Master Maya!" her aunt called after her. When Maya turned around, she was pressed up against the glass separating the visitors from the prisoners, tears running down her face and streaking her makeup. "_Thank you_."

Maya shook her head. She still wasn't sure if this had been an act of pity, some kernel of leftover love or gratefulness… or revenge. Whatever it was, she was done here. And she was never coming back.

"You're welcome, Aunt Morgan," she said softly, and then walked away without a backwards glance.

Nick and Pearly were waiting for her at the office. They were all going out to lunch together. Nick had promised to buy her all the hamburgers she could eat, and Pearly had blushed as though he'd been proposing, and the two of them had exchanged a knowing grin over the little girl's head.

Maya left the prison with a smile, eager to rejoin her 'special someones'.


End file.
